Wednesday, March 27, 2013
I have someone in my life right now who is hurting physically and they are on my mind constantly... Every word I say seems to be underlined with this person's name. My urgent prayers. I keep thinking
That's all we really want isn't it?
To be better?
No matter what it is...
Sure, there are times when you're stuck in your bed and there's no where you'd rather be than tucked deep into the comfort of your pillows and blankets, but there comes a time when you want to be well.
And others want that for us too.
While I was thinking of the person who is hurting physically, my mind also has drifted on and off to someone whose physical pain and scars have healed.
But isn't that the easy part?
The pain of childbirth~ my physical pain of what my body was forced to go through, was almost unbearable, but nothing, NOTHING compared to the emotional pain that followed.
The body has an incredible way of healing.
The heart is a different story.
I know there was a time when I worried my friends.
I worried my family.
They wanted me better. They wanted me laughing. They wanted me back.
But I died that day. The "me" they knew.
I know it hurt them.
They wanted me to
I said Andrew's name constantly, put his pictures and name around my house. I cried. I rocked. I wrote. I screamed. And I did it again. And again. And again.
I talked to someone.
But it didn't do anything...
Well meaning people will try to push you.
To coax you. To plead with you. To threaten you.
Just. Get. Better.
But what they don't know, what they simply can't understand is that right now you need to be in your bed~ amongst the pillows and the sheets. As much as you want to be back, the "you" they knew died that day too. And you need to find out who is left. Meet her. Embrace her. And that takes time and you can't be there for those who want you back. You need to take care of YOU.
Give yourself that. And to those people, there is no timeline... but there will come a day when you're buried in the comfort of your sheets that you'll open your eyes and see the sun. You'll place one foot on the ground and then the other. You'll find your footing and you'll stand.
It can be wobbly and scary, but you're not in this alone, and you never were.
There is a community out there who understands this road. Who walks it with you.
And so tonight,
I want that person to know that she's not alone.
And while the world (and perhaps she too) wants her to
So I will not pull you out of that bed.
Out of those sheets.
Through that fog.
Instead I'll meet you.
And walk with you through it.