Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Ask Me.

To those who have lost children, and those who have not,

Every third Thursday of the month you will find me at my local hospital in Megan's room where I meet with old and new families who have lost children. After six years, I go now to be the supporter more than the supported and often I have had people contact me with questions they have. I know that when I was trying to find my way (especially in those earlier years) I sought the advice of those who had been on this journey longer than I and it made my journey a lot easier, and lighter, knowing I wasn't going it alone. I know too that many of my friends didn't know what to say to me- or ask me- and felt a loss- they wanted to say something- anything- but didn't know quite what to do- or what not to do-

Now I would like to extend an invitation to those of you reading my words. At the suggestion of a friend, I would like to invite you to ask me any questions you may have. Please know that I enjoy talking about my journey, which is why I keep this journal of thoughts. Also know that I rarely cry when I write these blogs so if you're worried about a question making me sad- don't- Of all of the posts I have written, I have only cried while writing two of them. My scabs are well healed and those who know me in real life, know that I can tell my story, Andrew's story, Baby E's story often without a crack in my voice- not because I don't miss them- but because I feel very comfortable in my reality since I have lived it for so long. I can talk about them as I would talk about my four living children- with peace.

So please, if you want, ask me. Ask me anything. I look forward to sharing my heart with you. And if you wish to leave a comment anonymously, or send me an email, that's ok too.

Hugs-
Laura

8 comments:

  1. I want to know how you found this group that you go to! I would love to be a part of something like that, and I would love to help out other people who have been in my position. Thank you for being so open and honest and sharing of yourself and your life. That is such a blessing and what a legacy you have!

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  2. Here are a few that immediately jump to mind:
    1) what things do you have in your home to remember Andrew and Baby E?
    2) what were the most helpeful things people said to you in your grief?
    3) what were the least helpful?
    4) what do you think heaven is like?
    5) have you had doubts in your faith? if so how have you overcome them?
    6) have your reasons for blogging changed since you started
    7) if you could change one thing about society's response to stillbirth what would it be?
    8) what one question have you not been asked that you would like to answer? (cheeky huh hehe!) what is the answer to it?

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  3. Having the support and advice of those farther in the journey is very helpful!!!

    How do you react to comments that are not supportive?

    Who has helped you the most through losing your children?

    What moment was the most difficult in each journey?

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  4. I dont have any questions that I can think of, but I thank you for being so open and honest and look forward to reading your answers :) Good questions so far! Love, Nan xxxooo

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  5. Thank you Laura for your openness. I wish I could express my thoughts and feelings so eloquently. My survivor is starting preschool this fall. The director had twins last fall. When Joey started school, did you have a conversation with the director/teacher? What other things if any, did you do?

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  6. I'm not too sure how to phrase these questions and please don't feel you have to answer them if you feel I am being too nosy.
    Can you remember when you first discussed Andrew with Jonasen?
    Have you always mentioned Andrew to him and how did he grasp and come to terms with his twin's death?
    Has he asked any questions about his brother and the circumstances of his birth that have surprised you?
    Did Andrew's death change how you and your husband envisaged your future family? Did you both feel that you wanted subsequent children? Was it something you spent a long time discussing?
    I understand that I am asking questions involving Jonasen here and if you feel that I am invading his privacy I completely understand. I just worry so much about the impact on her sister's death on my surviving twin and I don't know how I'll ever be able to explain what happened to her. x

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  7. I'm not too sure how to phrase these questions and please don't feel you have to answer them if you feel I am being too nosy.
    Can you remember when you first discussed Andrew with Jonasen?
    Have you always mentioned Andrew to him and how did he grasp and come to terms with his twin's death?
    Has he asked any questions about his brother and the circumstances of his birth that have surprised you?
    Did Andrew's death change how you and your husband envisaged your future family? Did you both feel that you wanted subsequent children? Was it something you spent a long time discussing?
    I understand that I am asking questions involving Jonasen here and if you feel that I am invading his privacy I completely understand. I just worry so much about the impact on her sister's death on my surviving twin and I don't know how I'll ever be able to explain what happened to her. x

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  8. I want to know how you found this group that you go to! I would love to be a part of something like that, and I would love to help out other people who have been in my position. Thank you for being so open and honest and sharing of yourself and your life. That is such a blessing and what a legacy you have!

    ReplyDelete

Your thoughts?