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Sunday, September 9, 2018

#Because


Our fifteen year old is a runner!

Words can't describe how incredibly proud we are of who he is~ who he is becoming.
We've been busy living life~ following our kids and yesterday we were following him around at a race. There were about a dozen high school teams from all over. We watched as parents wandered looking to see where they could get a good glimpse of the runner they were there too see.

It was a beautiful day in the park and my husband and I had joined all those parents, looking for the perfect place to watch OUR runner. We were following a pack of parents when I looked up and the back of the shirt in front of us said, "Joey's Mom" and I thought, I could use a shirt like that!

Later on we saw another similar shirt only this one said, "Andrew's Mom" and I thought, I could use a shirt like that too.

How odd that with the hundreds of people who were there we saw two shirts mentioning their sons by name and they happened to be MY boys' names.

Maybe not odd at all.

It's September.

On the fifteenth it will be 15 years!
I will not be able to start my morning as I have the last 15 years~ at the hospital. I'll be watching my runner and wondering if his brother would have been a runner too. 

Joey and I were talking about his upcoming birthday~ about how we've been trying to get people to do kind acts to help heal my heart on the fifteenth.

He said, "Mom. I hate that my birthday is your hardest day. I hate that you hurt and that you're sad. It kind of sucks."

And yes, Joey. It does suck. 
It did suck 
and it will always suck.
But what you don't understand is there was one thing that made THE worst day of my entire life 
THE BEST day of my entire life.

YOU!

My sweet boy, how will I ever tell you that YOU are my reason. YOU were the one that got me out of bed. YOU were the one that began to heal my shattered heart.
YOU!

So yes~ I will always wonder. I'll wonder what kind of son Andrew would have been. I'll wonder if he would have been as fast as you, as musical as you, as funny as you. I'll wonder if he'd be as incredibly sweet as you are with your siblings and others. I'll wonder if he'd be quiet and reflective.
I'll wonder and I'll wonder and I'll wonder.

But one thing I do know is that though I will wonder, I will KNOW that this world MY world is so much better because of YOU!

So maybe I was wrong... Maybe having people do kind acts #BecauseOfAndrew should also be #BecauseOfJoey 
because if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be.

So thank you my sweet boy.
I love you more than you will EVER know.

HAPPY Birthday.
And know that my tears are not all tears of sadness. Just like they were fifteen years ago they are also tears of tremendous joy!

I love you,
Mom

And... May it not be overlooked that today~ September 9th~ TEN YEARS AGO my heart was shattered when my sweet spark's heartbeat was no longer. 
Remembering E and so incredibly thankful for my tribe who remembered. You were there THEN and you continue to be here NOW. 
Ten years later. 
Fifteen years later.
I'm thankful.
#BecauseOfYou

4 comments:

  1. The fact that you saw those two shirts gave me chills. Then Joey feeling sad that his birthday brings you sadness brought me to tears. I love what you wrote to Joey and I pray he can grasp how important he is to your life and your well being. ((HUGS))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Debby!! Means the world to me! <3

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