Friday, March 12, 2010

Twins- in a word

Twins.
I hate the word.
Even when the word was used with my name.
I wasn't a fan.
I was going to have babies.
Individuals.

Twins.
At a work meeting last week.
I heard the word.
Over and over.
She had twins, another had twins, another expecting twins.
Is everyone having twins?
I hate the word.

Twins.
It still makes me pause.
Pains my stomach.
Races my heart.
Steals my breath.
I hate the word.

Just a word.
A word I don't like to hear-
And yet somehow it finds me again and again.

Just a word.
And I feel drawn to it-
It is so hard to look away.
So hard to keep quiet and not scream!
Tell them!
Tell them all!

A word.
That once described something I had.
Something I dreamed about.
Something that was so close.
So very, very close...
Twins.

10 comments:

  1. Laura, you couldn't have said it any better. I hate it too...Everyon else can have their twins, but not people like us. It's just not fair!!!

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  2. I feel this way too. The word is EVERYWHERE...they are everywhere and it just hurts. xx

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  3. I so agree. Amazing what a single word can do to us, how we want to yell that it's not always that simple.

    I can't even say it. I always say, "When I was pregnant with the girls." Since I have all girls while I know it means Olivia and Jo, few others do. I'm just referring to all three of my pregnancies in their mind. I say: pregnant with Annie, pregnant with Ellie, and pregnant with the girls. I just can't say the word. Too many thought and questions to contend with!

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  4. Oh Laura. This is so beautifully written.
    I hate that word too. I still want to tell them all. That I nearly had twins. Thank you for saying this. xo

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  5. "Tell them! Tell them all!" ~ Sometimes I DO! Sometimes I do tell the innocent ones who are excited about twins they're family member are expecting . . . or parents of twins who are celebrating birthdays. Sometimes I tell them that my daughter is a twin too - just like their twins - except different. Sometimes I tell them that my daughter is a twin-less twin -- that a part of her is missing. That one of my twin daughters died in my womb while I carried her next to her living twin sister. And sometimes I don't. Sometimes I just keep my mouth shut and feel the pain alone. But, I never stop my daughter from telling people she is a twin. At 7, she feels the loss of her sister profoundly and misses her. She'll never stop being a twin - just as her sister in Heaven will never stop being my daughter.

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  6. Well said. But it's hard to sustain that bitter feeling when I think how close I came to being that smug woman with the two smiling babies. It's exhausting to hate something I wanted so much once.

    Best to you and your family

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  7. Love you Laura and BOTH of your wonderful little individual boys. Big HUGS!

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  8. Love you Laura and BOTH of your wonderful little individual boys. Big HUGS!

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  9. Laura, you couldn't have said it any better. I hate it too...Everyon else can have their twins, but not people like us. It's just not fair!!!

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