Twins.I hate the word.
Even when the word was used with my name.
I wasn't a fan.
I was going to have babies.
Individuals.
Twins.
At a work meeting last week.
I heard the word.
Over and over.
She had twins, another had twins, another expecting twins.
Is everyone having twins?
I hate the word.
Twins.
It still makes me pause.
Pains my stomach.
Races my heart.
Steals my breath.
I hate the word.
Just a word.
A word I don't like to hear-
And yet somehow it finds me again and again.
Just a word.
And I feel drawn to it-
It is so hard to look away.
So hard to keep quiet and not scream!
Tell them!
Tell them all!
A word.
That once described something I had.
Something I dreamed about.
Something that was so close.
So very, very close...
Twins.
Posts
Laura, you couldn't have said it any better. I hate it too...Everyon else can have their twins, but not people like us. It's just not fair!!!
ReplyDeleteI feel this way too. The word is EVERYWHERE...they are everywhere and it just hurts. xx
ReplyDeleteI so agree. Amazing what a single word can do to us, how we want to yell that it's not always that simple.
ReplyDeleteI can't even say it. I always say, "When I was pregnant with the girls." Since I have all girls while I know it means Olivia and Jo, few others do. I'm just referring to all three of my pregnancies in their mind. I say: pregnant with Annie, pregnant with Ellie, and pregnant with the girls. I just can't say the word. Too many thought and questions to contend with!
Oh Laura. This is so beautifully written.
ReplyDeleteI hate that word too. I still want to tell them all. That I nearly had twins. Thank you for saying this. xo
"Tell them! Tell them all!" ~ Sometimes I DO! Sometimes I do tell the innocent ones who are excited about twins they're family member are expecting . . . or parents of twins who are celebrating birthdays. Sometimes I tell them that my daughter is a twin too - just like their twins - except different. Sometimes I tell them that my daughter is a twin-less twin -- that a part of her is missing. That one of my twin daughters died in my womb while I carried her next to her living twin sister. And sometimes I don't. Sometimes I just keep my mouth shut and feel the pain alone. But, I never stop my daughter from telling people she is a twin. At 7, she feels the loss of her sister profoundly and misses her. She'll never stop being a twin - just as her sister in Heaven will never stop being my daughter.
ReplyDeleteWell said. But it's hard to sustain that bitter feeling when I think how close I came to being that smug woman with the two smiling babies. It's exhausting to hate something I wanted so much once.
ReplyDeleteBest to you and your family
me too.
ReplyDeleteLove you Laura and BOTH of your wonderful little individual boys. Big HUGS!
ReplyDeleteLove you Laura and BOTH of your wonderful little individual boys. Big HUGS!
ReplyDeleteLaura, you couldn't have said it any better. I hate it too...Everyon else can have their twins, but not people like us. It's just not fair!!!
ReplyDelete