Twenty-one.
That hardly seems possible. I was just talking to my brother and saying how I remember every detail from this day twenty one years ago. I remember getting the call to be induced (in my room on my land-line of course). I remember what I was wearing (khahi shorts and the ONLY shirt that could stretch over my huge belly- it was white). I remember what was on TV when she called (Judge Judy).
I had to wait forever it felt until we went to the hospital. It felt so slow and then it was so fast.
And that's kind of how I feel now.
The years were so slow- so many ups and downs.
So many heartaches.
So many tears.
So many what-ifs.
But now I'm here.
He would be an adult.
What would it have been like to be celebrating BOTH our boys!?
How would we have done it?
Would they have been at the same university like Jonasen and his sister?
Where? What? How?
So many questions.
Today we celebrated Andrew's brother. We drove over two hours so we could all be together. So we could have that first legal drink (a PBR in honor of my great Uncle Zig). It was a wonderful day. A perfect day.
I had decided that my Andrew Day would wait- it would have to be tomorrow.
Today was too full and it needed to be about Joe.
But when I got home, my dad sent me a picture. A picture with no words.
He had gone to Andrew's brick.
Had opened that same beer.
The beer we could have, should have, would have enjoyed
together.
Gosh I miss him. I've missed him for 21 years and I know I'll miss him for 21 more and then some.
Until then Andrew, I'll keep talking to you out our window, and blowing you those kisses.
I'll keep wondering, I'll keep remembering, I'll keep loving.
Always.
Happy birthday to you my sweet boy.
To you and your brother.
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