Why? But Why Not?

When Andrew died, and then I lost Baby E- I remember thinking, "Why?" "Why me?" "Why did you do this to me?" Sometimes I would think about it- Other times I would scream it! Scream it at Him! "God Why? I love you! Why ME?"

Children are a blessing from God- there is no doubt about it- but they are not rewards for how we live our lives- As a teacher I know of children who are abused, neglected- and often times are surrounded by a house full of siblings and it breaks my heart-

And then I have dear friends who should have a home full of children- Who would be amazing parents- and they have no one. I don't understand it? Why?

But children are not a reward nor are they a punishment if we do not have them- or they are taken too soon. But still I wonder why?

"Why?" was a question that I asked often when I thought of my childhood friend.

When I was pregnant with my little girl, she was pregnant with her little boy- her first- Our children were due three days apart from each other-

My friend.
My sweet friend.
A person who clearly the sun shone on.
She is grace. She is beauty. She is kindness.

Her son came early. Too early. But he hung on.

She learned early that tomorrow was unknown. Tomorrow. I wondered about her tomorrows. For two years she lived that- unsure- unknowing what tomorrow would bring.

He fought, and though he was not healthy and it was so hard- he lived- he lived and he was loved. He was beautiful and no one saw that more than my dear friend. No one loved him more. I'd watch her with him- loving him- gazing at him and I'd wonder- "Why?" "Why her?"

I was in awe of her. How she could live each day not knowing if this would be the day he would be called home. The day the suffering would end- She lived each day and was the best, most wonderful mom to her son for as long as she could be- and she continues to be- an amazing mom.

When he passed I spent days and weeks and months thinking about them. Wondering. Imagining the empty house. The murmur of the oxygen tank gone. I felt pain for them. I ached for them and I wondered, "Why?"

And it wasn't long into my wonderings and my journaling that I found the answer. I think that God had a very special boy who deserved two very special parents. The question of "Why?" suddenly became, "Why not?" What better choice for this boy than his amazing parents who loved him and honored him from the day he was born until the day he took his last breath- and beyond. He was chosen for them. A special boy for two very special people.

As angel parents we have a choice- we can say "Why me?" and I would gather that the majority of us have asked that question- I know I have... (many times)

But now ask yourself "why not?" If you're reading this, perhaps there is someone's memory that you're keeping alive, or thinking about- right now.
Someone who came into your life for a purpose-
Someone who touched your life so that you could touch others.

I've heard your stories at meetings and been changed-
I've read your blogs and been changed.
You have been given a gift- to share your gift- share the love you had- and still have.

Who is your someone?

Don't keep them to yourself-
Share your story-
Share them-
Share your lessons and remember that each life is a blessing-
Each life has a story-
Each life has a purpose-

Will you share it?
I hope so!
Why?
Why not?

You were chosen- and for it you will be stronger- you will be wiser- you will be blessed.
You will see it-
One day.
If you haven't felt it yet- I pray one day you will- In the quiet moments I pray it will find you- tiptoe silently into your thoughts- in quiet moments I hope you will pause and say, "thank you." Thank you for choosing me- A special parent- for a special and precious life.