Saturday, May 1, 2010

Fields of Flowers

Years before I changed.
Years before I became a mother- or even a wife- I received a gift of a framed picture of a rose. Underneath it were the words, "I can complain because the the rosebush has a thorn, or rejoice because the thorn bush has a rose, it's all up to me." I love that quote still and find such truth in it and it still sits upon my desk- A reminder when I start to feel like I'm stuck in the thorn bushes of life.

It's so easy.
It's so easy to get lost in your grief- to get stuck in it. The truth is that there is nothing in this world as painful as losing someone you love. And when that someone is your child- there is an added sting. Our children are supposed to outlive us- not the other way around.

For a long time I only saw the thorns.
It was hard to see the roses.
I couldn't see them.
They didn't exist for me.
Why- Why after 39 weeks of an amazing pregnancy- Why would God not spare him? Not let him come home to us? There were no roses in that!

But the seasons passed-
Springs came-
And the roses bloomed and I began to see them.

I saw the roses- I saw you- I saw people who came- people who remembered- people who said his name- people like you- an entire community- I close my eyes and I can see fields of flowers- fields of blessings that all came-
All came-
because he didn't.

It still pains me that he isn't here.
It pained me today.
He missed the game today.
The one he would have played with his brother.
Their first ball game.

But he was there- watching- looking down- from his own field of flowers- that beautiful place where he waits for me. Where they wait for us- looking down- sending us roses amidst the thorns. Showering us with them- if only we open our eyes to them. Look to the heavens- tell them you're ready! See them!

Thinking of those around the world tonight and remembering.

And sending kisses to my little ball player in the heavens.
Did you see your brother today?
He said your name- spoke about you.
Makes me think you were there-
in the fields-
watching-
Thank you for that.

4 comments:

  1. Just beautiful Laura! I'm starting to see the roses again too, here and there. Feel somewhat normal. I constantly remind myself that Brandon would want me to move on and be happy. I draw strength from that.

    XOXO
    Sherry

    ReplyDelete
  2. Laura
    Powerful as always.

    I have a model of a pearl in an oyster for a similar reason.

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  3. i sometimes wonder if you even know how you touch people...even though you may be speaking of something specific, many of your messages reach those of us that have not had exactly the same experience....thank you, you always have a way of putting things in perspective for me... love you, friend ;-)

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  4. Just beautiful Laura! I'm starting to see the roses again too, here and there. Feel somewhat normal. I constantly remind myself that Brandon would want me to move on and be happy. I draw strength from that.

    XOXO
    Sherry

    ReplyDelete

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