Thursday, May 21, 2009


I have always been a planner. And things in my life have always fallen into place in my time frame.
In college I met the love of my life.
After college I got a job that I truly love.
I had a beautiful, picture perfect wedding.
A wonderful husband, home, dog.
Amazing friends, family, life.
And then I became pregnant and with not one but two babies. I loved being pregnant and it was everything I ever imagined it would be and more. I had never struggled.
Life was good.
I was happy.
I was full.

And then life threw me my curveball.
In a moment I learned that despite all of the the planning, all of the hoping, all of the praying- sometimes life just doesn't turn out the way we think it will- Sometimes it's not the way we dreamed- the way we pictured it in our heads as children- growing up and dreaming about what our futures would be. Sometimes we find ourselves in a place we never dreamed we'd be and it can feel so lonely and so, so dark.

Losing Andrew was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life. It has been a journey on which I have found myself- And at times I've wondered how I got to this place- to this person that I have become. I had a choice and somewhere along the journey, the path, I chose to listen to the lessons that he teaches me- daily- just through loving him, and knowing him and losing him.

Andrew has:
Made me a better wife.
Made me a better friend.
Made me a better mother.
Made me more compassionate.
Made me more understanding.
Made me more forgiving.
Made me pause-

We should all be so blessed with life's lessons-
If only they didn't come at such a cost.


  1. You are a great friend! I love you!

  2. i totally love how you put your thoughts to're so strong and have been through so much and you're such an inspiration! thank you so much! and keep writing!!

  3. Oh the cost. the cost is what makes it a skewer in our hearts. Love and pain. Thinking of you. Thank you for sharing your story. I have added a link to it at "Whispered Support."

  4. You really are all those things!

  5. Life...thank you my friend...I love reading your thoughts.

  6. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. Actually things aren't going well- so that is why we decided to only talk about the positive things- if you read further... thanks for the recommendations on an author. I'm sorry you have to know the pain of losing a child. HUGS TO YOU!

  7. HUGS! It's okay you didn't read further. I was confused by the comment and thought hmmm, maybe she's just trying to be positive like me! But I've gotten a wide range of comments, so just waned to make sure you understood. You'd be amazed at the cruel things people say, so cruel you can laugh at them. I agree... watching my daughter tell me everyday, "I hope this baby will be able to live here on earth with us (while rubbing my belly)"...You know what she told me though... if God decides to take this baby to heaven, she just wants to spend time loving it and holding it like she did with her sister...but she says wih all her heart she hopes it stays here... Hugs to you and I hope your new baby grows strong inside of you.

  8. Life...thank you my friend...I love reading your thoughts.


Your thoughts?