Charlie

I remember sitting in meetings where moms of angels would be reviewing their lives-
Thinking about them-
Examining them-
Wondering what in the world it was that they had done in the past that could possibly have brought them to this moment.
This heartache-
This brokenness-

Wondering what in the world it was that they had done that allowed God to let this happen.

I wonder if they're wondering that tonight.

The wonderings-
The whys-
They seem to be recurring thoughts that moms to angels have.
There is no stopping the thoughts-

And still today- I am wondering
I am asking why...

I've written about my October 9ths lately.
The eve of October 9th.
What October 9th has meant to me.
What October 9th was to me this year.

But today I am thinking about their October 9th.
Charlie's October 9th.
His family's October 9th.

Sarah's nephew, Charlie, was born.
On October 9th.

Births are always so exciting to people like Sarah and me- to hold a baby who makes it!
-Because both of us have had children who have left us on the days they were born.

Births are blessings to people like Sarah and me- People who know that not all births have happy endings.
-Because both of us have had children we've had to say 'goodbye' to on days we thought we'd say 'hello'

Births can be happy and we've both had our angels smile from heaven as they have watched us welcome other babies into this world.

Charlie was born.
Charlie is alive.
And it looks as if Charlie will teach us more lessons- but not from this lifetime.

Charlie makes me think of Jet and other babies who have joined family members (children) already in heaven.

In this case, it appears that Charlie will be meeting his big cousin, Audrey.
In this case, it appears that this birthday will not have the happy ending we had hoped for and prayed for.

Why?
Why should one family have to suffer another infant loss?
Why should any of us have to suffer loss?

I will never know.
But I will be praying for Charlie's family. Tonight and on every October 9th. A day that once held hopes, and dreams for a little boy who it seems may, like his cousin, fly away too soon.
I hope you will join me.