Friday, November 20, 2009

Our Story

It is amazing sometimes.
The friends that I have made simply because he's not here.
Friends that stretch cities, states, and even countries.
All because of his story- our story.


Holly, an amazing mom I 'met' from Caring for Carleigh, emailed me these pictures. Such a simple gesture, but one that took time, took thought, took effort.

I've been thinking about it. How if it weren't for Andrew's story, for Baby E's story, for Carleigh's story and countless others- I would have no idea. No idea of the community that is out there- waiting in the shadows- one that no one knows about- has ever heard of- until you need them- until you become one of them.

So many stories-
Like the leaves in these piles- all with names- details- stories.

I've spoken of the 'secret society' on here, of the many (mostly) women that I've met. Stories that I've heard. And I've wept for them. Thinking about how horrible it must have been to have lost their child- their children.

And though I've lost a child.
I've lost children.
Their story isn't mine.
I can only imagine.

I've had people tell me that they can't imagine. It must have been so hard to go 39 weeks and had to say goodbye. To have carried so long...

And I would tell them- I can't imagine. It must have been so hard to lose a baby you could fit in the palm of your hand. A perfectly formed, but tiny babe. To not have had more time...
I can't imagine.

Because it isn't my story.

We would unpack our stories at meetings. Those hard details- the pain- the tears-
We'd unpack them all.

But in the end if we could choose- we'd take our story back. Each of us. We've talked about it- because in the end it is our story- our children- who have led us to this point- made us who we are.

I choose him.
A 6 pound 11 oz boy.
I choose him.
His eyes closed- I never did get to see them.
I choose him.
And those little fingers that seemed to wrap around mine.
I choose him.
And the little spark- full of hopes and dreams- that just left one day- for reasons unknown.
I choose them.

It's my story.
One of millions-
Like a single leaf in the forest
A grain of sand on the beach
A lone star in a brilliant night's sky

And yet I'd find him again
and again
and choose him.
Choose them.

Our story.

12 comments:

  1. Laura, you are so gifted. God's plan for you to share, connect, and share some more. Oh the plans He has for you.

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  2. It is amazing this network. There are wonderful women who care so much...making a difference.

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  3. Beautiful, beautiful beautifuL!!! You write SO beautifully. And it was so sweet of Holly to do this for all us babylost mamas.

    xo

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  4. Wow, your words are so true and a little haunting even. You really do have a talent for words. Holly's photos are really something arent they. *HUGS*

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  5. It's true, the strength from this community of grieving women is awesome. I'm so grateful to have met other women walking this path. Glad you're sharing your story, Laura. (((Hugs)))

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  6. I love this "secret society." It really is the best thing that has happened to me since losing Ella. I got to meet a fellow blogger in real life this morning. It was so nice. I really think you should turn your posts into a book. You write beautifully. Sometimes I feel like my words are not adequate and that I can't fully express my sadness. You really do such a wonderful job honoring your babies.

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  7. I think of you often and love to read when you post. Love, Nan xo

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  8. It was truly an honor to create the pictures for you. I can say that each baby was thought of and prayed for. That's why it took me many hours to get all the names done. I would agree with you, I would take my story because I can't fathom anybody else's.

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  9. Your blog was the first one I found. The first days home from the hospital, mere hours after being alone in an empty house. I needed to seek out answers, I typed in infant loss and I found you. I found you and I read your story, I could not imagine your story, and then it took me to another and I couldn't imagine her story, and then another and another. These women, these strong, beautiful women. Women from all walks of life. Women from all over the world. Women who all have different stories. Women who share one common bond, the loss a a precious baby be it 4 weeks or 40. A loss that can't be measured by gestation. A loss that can't be filled with another. A loss that seems so alone. But then there is You, and Her and Me. Thank you for being there for me. Someone you've never met. I'm certain there are many more like me you've helped. It's been 6 weeks since my precious Nathan was born into heaven. Thank you for helping me through week one. They say it takes a village to raise a child, I believe it takes a village to support a grieving mother.

    Blessings to you,

    KC

    http://ababynamednathan.blogspot.com/

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  10. It was truly an honor to create the pictures for you. I can say that each baby was thought of and prayed for. That's why it took me many hours to get all the names done. I would agree with you, I would take my story because I can't fathom anybody else's.

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  11. Beautiful, beautiful beautifuL!!! You write SO beautifully. And it was so sweet of Holly to do this for all us babylost mamas.

    xo

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  12. Laura, you are so gifted. God's plan for you to share, connect, and share some more. Oh the plans He has for you.

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