He's Right There

Tonight I went and watched my first grader as he sang songs about ants and bees and... butterflies. And all of a sudden my eyes blurred and I remembered. I remembered that boy that I never do forget. The one who is always right there, lingering.

And as I watched, I got a lump in my throat as I heard the first grade voices sing...

Butterfly, Butterfly, Where do you roam?

Whose lucky garden do you call your home?

Butterfly, Butterfly, Why won't you stay?

Why are you always fluttering away?

And as they sang, I thought of my son. The one that is so often not remembered. Wondering where he was that night. Wondering if perhaps he had fluttered into that crowded Elementary gym to listen to his brother sing. Wondering why he couldn't stay.

He didn't stay.

And yet he's always right there.

Right beyond my thoughts- and he appears at a moment's notice.

Walking down the hall of my school I overhear, "Andrew."

And he's there.

Walking through the store and seeing 'Twin pack."

And he's there.

Watching his brother on stage at his first grade concert.

And he's there.

He's always right there.

And I find comfort in that.

To quote a mother who recently was reunited with her son...

"If you know someone who has lost a child and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died- You're not reminding them. They didn't forget they died. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived- and that is a great gift."

-Elizabeth Edwards

Tonight he was right there for me. I could almost see him. Remembering that he lived. That he existed- and had things been a bit different, I would have been cheering on two winged first graders that stayed- instead of remembering one that flew away too soon.