Thursday, August 16, 2012
The butterflies are out.
The bush is hideous! It looks like an overgrown weed and yet I look forward to its growing each year because I know they'll come~ and they always do. Is it the butterflies?
My children run in the yard, they ride their bikes, they laugh, but I note the butterflies that dance around them. My eyes stay on them and try to will them to stay. To stick around. To dance with them just a little longer.
It's the time of year when I look up and at him, or catch his laugh and I pause and wonder... what if? Why does it hit me like this? There is no rhyme or reason? Is it the butterflies?
Or is it the knowledge that September is coming... A flip of the calendar and it will be here again. Another September 15th will come and it will be another year since I held his little body in my arms, kissed him goodbye. Another year.
Time gave me ways~ ways to deal with missing him~ ways to feel my tears coming and understanding that they would stop. Time was my friend. It gave me moments to pause and think of him. All the good he's done. All the lives he's changed. Time. Time to say his name. Andrew.
Oh but time... Another day is another day away from you. Away from that day that I held you in my arms and smelled you. That I felt your body next to mine, felt your hand grab on to me. Time passes and so do those memories of you kicking me, kicking your brother. Oh, how I loved to watch you move.
Time is not my friend. I forget. And that makes me sad, but yet they remember... somehow they always remember to come.
It's almost another September and I know that it too will be here and gone... too soon.