I signed his name to every card I sent (and I sent a lot)
But as time went by, things changed. Not my love for Andrew... but something changed in me...
I thought about my Nan. Who lost her son in a car accident when he was 27 years old. She didn't sign his name to cards- Would I still be signing Andrew's name at 27 years? And if not... when would I stop?
At the time, I was writing my living children's' names to cards- since they were too small to print...
I felt myself in an odd place. I didn't know how I felt, or what I wanted to do-
I know this is so different for bereaved moms- and I don't think that there is a right or a wrong to this- but I also knew I had to find what felt 'right' for me.
I didn't know how I wanted to remember Andrew- but I also knew I couldn't forget him-
And then I thought of the butterfly.
I saw them so regularly it seemed and they always made me think of Andrew.
And yet they always, ALWAYS flew away too soon...
Much like he did...
So I found myself being drawn to butterflies and put them everywhere-
in my garden-
in my children's' rooms-
in my jewelry-
And my friends knew about the butterflies-
Notebooks with butterflies-
Clips to hang in my classroom of butterflies-
And when I lost Baby E, a beautiful plant and flowers- complete with two butterflies.
And so while I still say his name-
I now rarely print it in cards-
But I do draw two butterflies-
For my two babies 'who flew away too soon...'
Thank you Bree for these beautiful butterflies- What a treat it was to get them- and thank you for the parade of Butterflies you have created for other bereaved moms- for while our children flew away too soon- the love we feel from others, like you, has remained...