Where it began... Two minutes-

September 15, 2003
Where it all began-

And today I thought about it... This time six years ago- I was different-
I was happy
I was me
I was whole

But in the matter of two minutes my life changed.
It changed forever-
I am happy
I am me
But I am no longer whole

At 10:35pm my life changed- I remember the dim room- the silence- the feeling of him being pulled from my body-
The silence.
And I was changed.
For with him, went a piece of me- never to return- never to be as it was- changed.

At 10:36pm my life changed- the same dim room- the silence- the feeling of him being pulled from my body-
The cries.
And I was changed.
For with him, went a piece of me- never to return- never to be as it was- changed.

One living- one dead- and yet both had such a role in my transformation.

Part of my heart died that day

Part of my heart exists outside of my body-
in the little boy
who lives in heaven
and in the little boy
who lives before my eyes.

Two minutes.
In one- I wanted to die- to go with him- for how could I live without him?
In another- I wanted to live- live for him- for how could I ever leave?

And so it began.
My journey.
My life as a mom of twins that no one ever saw.
My life of reflecting and writing and searching for my purpose- my meaning- my reason.
My life with part of my heart- gone- yet living outside of my body.

It began on September 15, 2003.
My life. A life worth living and sharing. A life that grew and aged and changed. A life that suddenly understood.

It is about lives- living them to the fullest and not letting a day go by where you don't learn and grow and change.
It is about taking a moment-
A moment to pause-
and think about what you DO have- even when your arms are empty- for they didn't leave you alone- while they took a piece of you- they left a piece too.
Peace.
Find it.
Pause-
Just for a moment...

On September 15th I changed.
I'm changing still.
And I welcome it.
For through the letters I've written in his journal- the words I've written here and the thoughts that have crossed my lips- I have changed.
And I am all the more blessed for it.

And yet I still wonder where that 'other' path would have led me on this day... six years later had he lived- close my eyes- I can almost see it...